Your One and Only

Your One and Only

            So based off of the title and my proclivity to hash tag pictures of me and Sammi with the word "soulmates", you may be assuming this post is about love. Well as much as I hate to throw curveballs, this post is not about soulmates. Whenever we hear the term "one and only" we associate it with a significant other. Well I am going to twist this concept a little bit today. I truly believe that we all have a one and only. We are all born with a single person that we are supposed to love, respect, and cherish regardless of circumstance or challenge. It isn't your Mom, your boss, or your best friend. It isn't your dog, your cat, or your motorcycle. It is you. You are your one and only. If there is a single person that you should never compromise, it is yourself. 

But we don't live this way do we? I know that I spend a lot of time compromising myself in order to make other people happy. It is completely and totally ridiculous isn't it? We dress certain ways, listen to certain music, and forgo things that we know would make us happy. And for what? So we can avoid ever telling another person that we want to do things differently than they do them? Why are we so afraid of letting other people know that we are different from them? Does it help the other people? Is their liberation in conformity? No. In my experience, what makes one person happy inevitably pisses off someone else. To put it plainly, no matter how hard we try, we simply cannot please everyone. The harder we try the more damage is done. This damage comes in two forms.  

The first form of damage is the obvious one. We harm ourselves by compromising who we are. Everyone knows how uncomfortable and exhausting it is to live our life for the sake of others. But it doesn't stop there. We also harm the individuals that we are conceding to. We do this by being disingenuous. Anyone who has ever been in an inequitable and/or dishonest relationship know that disingenuous behavior is a cancer that can tear apart the positive substance of any relationship. They think that we are going to be happier because we are doing it "the right way" and we are too afraid to tell them that we are miserable inside because we are doing it their way. And the result is that we are miserable and they are oblivious. We become forgers. Elaborate forgers of character. We give them a hollow representation and they think they are receiving the genuine article. 

So what do we do? What is the appropriate course of action? Here is my opinion. We knock it off. We stop trying to make other people happy, and worry about ourselves instead. We stop trying to put the world on our shoulders. We can not hold ourselves responsible for something that is neither possible nor actually our responsibility. Be who you are, and never compromise that. Take responsibility for what you are appropriately responsible for. Achieve what is achievable. Is it possible to make everyone in your life happy? No. Is it possible to make yourself happy? Yes. If they love you, then they will be happy that you are being true to yourself. If they aren't ready to embrace who you truly are, then you are giving them an opportunity to build a true and lasting relationship with you over time. No forgery. The real you. It is our willingness to shine that allows people to burn brighter. Hiding who we are merely prevents them from ever broadening their horizon and learning to accept someone that is different from them. Nobody wants a forgery. Everyone wants the genuine article. I love Sammi very much. I wish that she really loved Metallica. But she doesn't. If she pretended to love Metallica, I would ignorantly accepting a lie and she would be listening to music that gives her a headache. We both lose in that situation. I will always prefer an honest Maroon 5 listener to a deceitfully pandering Metallica fan. So remember, you are your one and only. If there was ever a person that you should take care of every day, it is you, 

Jacob Miller

P.S. Again I offer my disclaimer that I suck at implementing everything I write about. So please don't think of me as a hypocrite :)