Measuring Up

How can we feel like we are measuring up?

In a world that tells us that we need to be constantly upgrading everything from our appearance to our cell phone, how will we ever achieve what we feel is a comfortable level of success? I think that one of the greatest challenges in this life is the feeling of inadequacy or discouragement. We seems to effortlessly question our self worth and ability to do anything noteworthy in this life. So how do we battle ourselves in this fight for our confidence and self esteem? I recently heard a wonderful quote. Neal A. Maxwell said, "If you are constantly taking your temperature to see if you are happy, then you wont be".  This quote has really stuck with me since I heard it, and inspired me to write this post. If we are constantly focusing on how we appear, how we are performing, or how others perceive us then we will never be happy and we will quickly slip into bouts of discouragement and inadequacy. I have recently resolved to stop constantly taking my temperature and put together a three step program to help keep this up. I would like to share these three steps with you.

Step 1) Focus on your successes, not your failures.
I believe that the trick is focusing on what we have accomplished instead of what we have not accomplished. In my life I struggle with the feeling that I am really far behind my peers. I am 25 years old and haven't even graduated from college yet. I am 25 and not even married yet. I am 25 and just got home from my mission. The list goes on and on. And boy, do these things get me down sometimes. To counter these feelings of discouragement I focus on what I have accomplished.  I got straight A's last semester. I am currently dating someone. I served an honorable mission. There is always a positive way of looking at life. We must simply choose to look at life through a brighter scope.

Step 2) Safeguard your soul.
So I know that focusing on the good will keep me away from the bad. But is that enough? What do I need to do to keep myself walking the good path? To keep my progression at an appropriate level of consistency, I have developed a series of safeguards that have proven to be extremely effective in my personal life. I read my scriptures daily, I pray twice daily, I attend all three hours of church weekly, and I try and tell someone that I think they are special whenever given an opportunity to do so. I also try and engage in some form of exercise and artistic endeavor every day, to keep myself filled with creative and physical energy. These spiritual, physical, and artistic exertions keep me focused and determined as the weeks press on. I know from experience that as long as I am focused on these daily and weekly tasks I will be well guarded from the pressures and temptations that life so frequently throws at us. For I truly believe, "that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

Step 3) Take a weekly personal inventory.
I understand that focusing on my flaws will create negative energy if done too frequently, but what about plateaus? If i'm not upping the ante then won't I stagnate? In this case, I believe an age old adage really fits the bill. For everything there is a season. There is a time and a place for personal inventories and upping the antes of life. But how often we do it and why we do it are just as important as the process of progression itself. But what is the balance? Where is the line? First of all I don't think that there is a one size fits all schedule of self correction. We all handle criticism and self correction differently. The trick is finding out what works for you. How much can you really handle and how frequently can you handle it? Personally, I have discovered that once a week is an optimum amount for focusing on self improvement.  Any more often and I depress the crap out of myself, and any less and I am not progressing at the rate at which I could be.

This once a week inventory is where (for me) my faith really comes in. I believe that part of the reason God commands us to go to church is because, it is at church that self evaluation is most effective. Each week as I sit in church, I feel the Spirit, and it compels me to contemplate what I can do better that week. A weekly personal inventory is ample for me. And if I am totally honest I think that it is ample for everyone. Anymore than once a week is overkill in my opinion. We all need to be focused on improvement. So set a consistent time once a week and think about what you can do better. Consider individuals who may need you. Consider the areas that you might have failed in that week. But once your weekly inventory is over, let it be over, and commence focusing on implementation of the principles you have set upon, instead of thinking new ones to add. Life is hard enough without constantly belittling our own performance. Gordon B. Hinkley said, "Life is to enjoyed, not just endured". The more we focus on what we are not doing the less we enjoy life. So live it up one week at a time. Let yourself find peace and satisfaction in daily living. After all, you deserve it.

So there you have it. Jacob Miller's three steps to feeling like the adequate and fantastic person that you are. Here is a quick review to help it all sink in one last time.
1) Quit taking your temperature all of the time. Remember, if you are constantly focusing on making yourself happy, then you wont be. Happiness must be natural. Any attempt at synthesis will ruin it in a hurry. So be happy and remember the words of Brigham Young, "If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell, because that is exactly where it came from".
2) Safeguard yourself. I don't care if you are black, white, blue, or orange. I don't care if you are atheist, Mormon, Lutheran, or Jewish. We all need safeguards that keep our self esteem where we deserve it to be. So find what helps you feel good about yourself and create a routine to safeguard your soul.
3) Take a consistent personal inventory but don't do it too frequently. I believe once a week is enough and perhaps less than that is appropriate for certain individuals. And remember, enjoy life. If you are so focused on improvement that you cant sit back and smell the roses, then you are doing it wrong. Life is awesome :) Learn to enjoy it!


Jacob Miller